Ulama Benteng

Ulama Benteng

Ahad, 18 Oktober 2020

Catatan Usul Fiqh


 

1. Bezakan antara aliran mutakallimun dan aliran Hanafiyyah dalam usul fiqh. *

 



Aliran Mutakallimun

Bentuk penulisan menyamai cara ulama kalam dari segi dialog, soal jawab, menetapkan sesuatu masalah serta menentukan dalil untuknya.

Bagi menentukan sesuatu kaedah usul, penulis akan menggunakan dalil-dalil aqliy dan naqliy. Matlamat mereka adalah bagi melahirkan kaedah yang terkuat dan tepat.

Mereka tidak menjadikan pembentukan sesuatu kaedah dari hukum-hukum fiqh yang sudah ada sebagai matlamat mereka.

Setelah menetapkan sesuatu kaedah, mereka akan meneruskannya sekalipun bersalahan dengan ijtihad-ijtihad imam mereka.

Kebanyakan ulama kalam membahas masalah-masalah usul dengan menetapkan kaedah-kaedah.

Ulama yang cenderung kepada metode ini ialah para ulama mazhab Maliki, Syafie dan ulama-ulama kalam.

Dalam aliran ini terdapat pandangan yang bersifat logik dan falsafah. Mereka membicarakan asal usul bahasa dan membahas setiap permasalahan secara rasional akal, seperti perbahasan mengenai kebaikan akal fikiran, keburukan sesuatu perbuatan dan sebagainya.

Mereka turut bersetuju bahawa semua hukum selain bidang ibadat adalah bersifat rasional akal.


Aliran Hanafiyyah

Menekankan penetapan kaedah-kaedah usul pada masalah-masalah yang dinukilkan daripada imam-imam mazhab Hanafi.

Penulisnya akan menentukan kaedah-kaedah atau usul serta mengaitkannya dengan hukum-hakam fiqh.

Mereka memberi perhatian untuk menentukan kaedah-kaedah usul berdasarkan ijtihad-ijtihad yang dinukilkan daripada imam-imam mereka. Ini bermaksud mereka membuat kaedah usul mereka berdasarkan nukilan-nukilan ijtihad dihimpunkan daripada imam-imam mereka.

Jika mereka mendapati terdapat antara kaedah tersebut tidak secocok dengan ijtihad-ijtihad imam mereka, mereka akan mengubah sehingga kelihatan selari.

Penulisan jenis ini cenderung kepada bentuk penulisan fiqh. Oleh sebab demikian, kitab-kitab yang ditulis berdasarkan kaedah ini adalah padat dan sarat dengan masalah-masalah fiqh.

Menurut sebahagian pengkaji, tindakan mereka tersebut adalah kerana para imam mereka tidak meninggalkan sebarang usul yang tersusun untuk dijadikan panduan.


 

2. Nyatakan dua aspek perbezaan antara hukum taklifi dengan hukum wad’i *

 


Hukum Taklifi

Titah / khitab Allah yang mengandungi tuntutan supaya melakukan sesuatu tindakan atau tuntutan supaya meninggalkannya, atau pemberian pilihan sama ada untuk melakukan atau tidak.

Dinamakan hukum taklifi kerana dalamnya terkandung pembebanan terhadap mukalaf supaya melakukan atau meninggalkan sesuatu.

Pemberian pilihan daripada Allah juga termasuk dalam pembebanan kerana kebanyakkannya adalah sedemikian maka dijadikan sebahagian daripada hukum taklifi.

Walaupun apa yang dituntut itu merupakan suatu taklif atau pembebanan, namun itu adalah mengikut kadar kemampuan seseorang mukalaf supaya tuntutan itu dapat dilaksanakan dengan baik. Contohnya, hukum menunaikan haji adalah wajib tetapi kepada mereka yang berkemampuan.

Jenis hukum taklifi: ijab, nadb, tahrim, karahah, ibahah


Hukum Wad’i

Khitab Allah yang berkaitan dengan menjadikan sesuatu sebagai sebab, syarat, penghalang, sah atau fasad.

Atau dengan kata lain ia adalah sesuatu yang menyebabkan ada atau tiadanya hukum taklifi.

Ia juga ditakrifkan sebagai suatu sebab, syarat, penghalang, sah dan batal bagi menetapkan sesuatu hukum.

Jenis hukum wad’i : sababiyah, syartiyah, man’iyah, kedudukan sesuatu itu sah, kedudukan sesuatu itu fasad/batal.


Perbezaan antara hukum taklifi dan wad’i :

Maksud daripada hukum taklifi ialah tuntutan terhadap mukalaf untuk melakukan sesuatu atau menahannya, atau memberi pilihan sama ada untuk melakukan atau meninggalkannya.

Sedangkan hukum wad’i tidak bertujuan membentuk bebanan dan pilihan, sebaliknya nak mengaitkan sesuatu dengan perkara yang lain dan sudut sababiyah atau syartiyah.

Mafhum daripada tuntutan dan pemberian pilihan dalam hukum taklifi adalah dalam kemampuan mukalaf dan kebolehupayaan mereka. Sebaliknya dalam hukum wad’i kadang kala dalam kekuasaan mukalaf dan ada yang tidak berada dalam kekuasaan mukalaf.

 

3. Nyatakan dua perbezaan antara sabab dan shart dalam hukum wad’i *

 

 



Sabab


Didefiniskan sebagai “suatu sifat zahir yang tetap lagi tetap, yang ditunjukkan oleh dalil sam’iyy bahawa ianya penunjuk/petunjuk kepada hukum syarak, yang lazim dengan kewujudannya, maka wujud hukum, dan lazim dengan ketiadaannya tiada hukum.”

Atau ianya suatu sifat yang pasti sebagai kaitan kepada kewujudan hukum.

Oleh itu, dengan adanya sifat itu melazimkan adanya hukum dan tidak adanya sifat itu melazimkan ketiadaan hukum.

Contoh : gelincirnya matahari menjadi sebab masuknya waktu sembahyang.

Sesuatu itu tidak sah dijadikan sebab kecuali Allah sendiri yang menjadikannya kerana hukum-hukum taklifi merupakan bebanan yang hanya ditentukan oleh Allah. Dan sebab itu bukannya yang mewujudkan hukum sebaliknya hanyalah sebagai tanda kewujudan hukum.

 

Shart

Shart ialah sifat yang jelas serta tetap, yang bergantung kepadanya kewujudan sesuatu hukum tanpa memberikan kesan kepadanya, yang pasti dengan ketiadaannya tiada hukum dan tidak semesti dengan kewujudannya wujud hukum dan tidak wujudnya hukum.

Sesuatu yag membentukkan hukum atau sebab terikat pada kewujudannya tetapi bukanlah sebahagian daripada hukum atau sebab.

Contoh : berwuduk adalah syarat sah solat kerana lazim dengan ketiadaan wuduk, tiadanya solat yang sah, tetapi tidak semestinya dengan ada wuduk adanya solat kerana mungkin seseorang berwuduk untuk membaca al-Quran bukannya untuk menunaikan solat. Dan tidak semestinya dengan ada wuduk tiada solat kerana mungkin berwuduk kemudian baru mendirikan solat.


 

 




 

4. Berikan satu contoh ayat al-Quran yang berkaitan dengan qat’iyy al-dalalah dan zanniy al-dalalah serta huraikan aspek qat’iy dan zanniy pada ayat tersebut *

 

Ayat al-Quran yang berkaitan dengan qat’iyy al-dalalah :

Surah ke-24 (An-Nur), ayat ke-2:

الزَّانِيَةُ وَالزَّانِي فَاجْلِدُوا كُلَّ وَاحِدٍ مِنْهُمَا مِائَةَ جَلْدَةٍ


Aspek qat’iy

Makna yang dapat difahami daripada sesuatu lafaz hanya satu, atau tiada kebarangkalian makna lain yang boleh difahami daripada lafaz مِائَةَ جَلْدَةٍ , angka 100 kali sebatan. Tidak ada keberangkalian bilangan sebatan 50 kali, atau 200 kali, atau lain-lain.

Ayat al-Quran yang berkaitan dengan zanniy al-dalalah:

Surah ke-2 (Al-Baqarah), ayat 228:

وَالْمُطَلَّقَاتُ يَتَرَبَّصْنَ بِأَنْفُسِهِنَّ ثَلَاثَةَ قُرُوءٍ

Aspek zanniy

Sesuatu lafaz itu mempunyai kebarangkalian makna lebih daripada satu, pada kalimah قروء , adakah membawa maksud suci atau haid.  Hal ini turut menjadi zanniy bagi penutur asal bahasa Arab itu sendiri.

 

 

 

 



 

5. Qira’at shadhdah dalam al-Quran adalah “sahih dari segi sanadnya tetapi diriwayatkan secara ahad”. Jelaskan maksud kenyataan tersebut. *


Sahih dari segi sanad : dengan maksud rantaian periwayatan dapat dikesan dan betul sahih.
Riwayat secara ahad : adalah sesuatu Riwayat yang tidak cukup syarat untuk menjadikan ia sebagai riwayat yang mutawatir walaupun perawinya ramai


Qiraat shadhdhah ialah bacaan yang tidak diiktiraf oleh pembaca-pembaca tempatan kerana tidak mutawatir. Qiraat ini tidak diriwayatkan pada setiap masa oleh sekumpulan ramai yang mustahil untuk melakukan pendustaan.

Qiraat shadhdhah juga diriwayatkan secara ahad (bukan mutawatir) dan tidak bertepatan dengan tatabahasa dan makna Bahasa Arab.

Qiraat shadhdhah itu sama ada:

pertamanya yang terkeluar daripada tulisan mashaf Uthmaniyy
keduanya qiraat yang sejajar dengan tulisan mashaf Uthmaniyy tetapi tidak sah sanadnya


Qiraat shadhdhah adalah tidak mencapai tahap mutawatir dan mashhurah seperti ciri-ciri yang ada pada mashaf Ubaiyy Ibn Ka’ab.

Pendapat yang masyhur menyatakan selain daripada 10 qiraat dikira shadh dengan disepakati. 



 

6. Di antara peranan al-Sunnah adalah menjelaskan hukum yang umum yang dibawa dalam sesuatu ayat al-Quran. Nyatakan SATU contoh hukum umum tersebut dengan membawa ayat al-Quran yang umum dan al-Sunnah yang mengkhususkannya. *

 

Contoh pertama: ayat berkenaan perkara yang haram dimakan secara umum, seperti dalam ayat ini (Surah ke-6, ayat ke-145) :

قُلْ لَا أَجِدُ فِي مَا أُوحِيَ إِلَيَّ مُحَرَّمًا عَلَى طَاعِمٍ يَطْعَمُهُ إِلَّا أَنْ يَكُونَ مَيْتَةً أَوْ دَمًا مَسْفُوحًا أَوْ لَحْمَ خِنْزِيرٍ فَإِنَّهُ رِجْسٌ أَوْ فِسْقًا أُهِلَّ لِغَيْرِ اللَّهِ بِه

Hadis (al-Sunnah) mengkhususkan lagi makanan haram dimakan iaitu jenis burung diharamkan untuk dimakan:

نهى عن كل ذي ناب من السباع وعن كل ذي مخلب من الطير

 


Contoh kedua: hukuman hudud (potong tangan) bagi kes curi

Surah Al-Maidah, ayat 38:

وَالسَّارِقُ وَالسَّارِقَةُ فَاقْطَعُوا أَيْدِيَهُمَا جَزَاءً بِمَا كَسَبَا نَكَالًا مِّنَ اللَّهِ ۗ وَاللَّهُ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌ 

Mafhum ayat berkenaan hukuman potongan tangan, namun tidak dijelaskan secara terperinci, adakah potongan tangan hingga ke siku atau ke lengan. Juga, ayat tidak perincikan berapakah kadar minimum barangan dicuri.

Hadis (al-Sunnah) memperjelaskan hukuman potong itu pada pergelangan tangan, dan kadar minimum barang dicuri:

Riwayat dari Aisyah r.a. menjelaskan : 

لاَ تـُقْطَعُ يَدُ سَارِقٍ إِلاَّ فيِ رُبُعِ دِينَارٍ فَصَاعِدًا “Tidaklah dipotong tangan seorang pencuri kecuali jika dia mencuri seperempat dinar atau lebih dari seperempat dinar ” H.R. Muttafaq ‘alaih.


Selain itu, ayat Quran memerintahkan solat, namun tidak dijelaskan bagaimana cara bersolat :

Allah Taala berfirman:

 

وَأَقِمِ الصَّلَاةَ طَرَفَيِ النَّهَارِ وَزُلَفًا مِنَ اللَّيْلِ إِنَّ الْحَسَنَاتِ يُذْهِبْنَ السَّيِّئَاتِ ذَلِكَ ذِكْرَى لِلذَّاكِرِينَ

Maksudnya: Dan dirikanlah sembahyang, pada dua bahagian siang, dan pada waktu-waktu yang berhampiran dengannya dari waktu malam. Sesungguhnya amal-amal kebajikan itu menghapuskan kejahatan. Perintah-perintah Allah yang demikian adalah menjadi peringatan bagi orang-orang yang mahu beringat.

Surah Hud, (11:114)

Hadis (Al-Sunnah) memperincikan cara solat, mafhum hadis : solatlah sebagaimana kamu lihat aku bersolat.


 

Tutup Punca Kepada Pencemaran Hati


Apabila pandangan mata dikawal, ditundukkan,
pendengaran telinga disekat daripada dengara perkara haram dan kelalaian,
percakapan lidah dikawal rapi,

insya Allah banyak punca kerosakan hati, punca kelemahan ruhaniyah dapat dielakkan.

Berbahagialah mereka yang amat terpelihara pandangan mata, sentiasa bersinar hati mereka, merasai kelazatan berinteraksi dengan zikrulllah, ketenangan yang sukar dijual beli dengan harta benda.

Sabtu, 17 Oktober 2020

Kepercayaan kepada Pengajar

Tsiqah terhadap tenaga pengajar makin kukuh apabila dizahirkan:

- kemas penyusunan bahan pengajaran
- bahan yang sentiasa updated
- menepati janji / walk the talk
- bercakap atas kepastian (jika pasti tahu, dinyatakan itu tahu. jika pasti tidak tahu, dinyatakan itu pasti tidak tahu. jika tidak pasti, dinyatakan tidak pasti)
- bersih kata-kata (tiada kata-kata kotor, unsur lucah, sindiran, umpatan)
- ayat yang dilafazkan tepat dari sudut nahu dan sorof

Hakikat Pencarian di Dunia



<3 :)


Ketika usia kita semakin meningkat, kita dapati, rasai dan lebih fahami bahawa kehidupan kita bukan semata-mata nak penuhi keinginan secara material : seperti kejar jawatan tinggi, gaji besar, bonus banyak, rumah mewah, kereta mewah, telefon pintar terkini, makan minum mewah, kemasyhuran, populariti dan lain-lain


namun kita lebih memahami apa yang lebih bermakna seperti sudut kemanusiaan, saling memberi dan membantu, perhubungan yang baik, akhlak yang mulia dan lain-lain.


Kaedah umum dan ringkas ialah : kita seimbangkan dan jadikan optimum. Tidak ada halangan untuk kita cemerlang dan berhasil dapat rewards material, namun jangan sampai terabai hubungan kemanusiaan. Sewaktu kita susah (jika berlaku), pada saat itu, kita amat menghargai sokongan keluarga, sahabat-rakan dan semua. Tidak lagi segala kemewahan itu dapat beli dan beri kebahagiaan ketenangan kepada jiwa kita.


<3 :)

Divine Submission (Penyerah Diri kepada Tuhan)

Divine submission (sesuatu mendasar yang untuk kita lebih memahami)


Mafhum daripada Dr Yusri Mazlan,

"Kita sedang menghayati taqdir yang telah ditentukan Allah".


Mafhum daripada Syaikh Awadh Manqush,

"Pada hakikatnya, kita adalah hamba kepada Tuan kita, Tuhan kita. Maka kita menuruti apa kehendak dan ketentuan Tuhan kita."


Mafhum daripada Syaikh Ahmad Fahmi Zamzam,

"Kita berdoa kepada Allah kerana itulah tugas dan sikap kita sebagai hamba, dan Allah perintahkan kita untuk berdoa. Sekalipun kita tak berdoa, Tuhan tetap tahu apa berlaku kepada kita, kesusahan kesakitan kita alami, apakah bantuan yang kita perlukan."

Isnin, 5 Oktober 2020

Panduan Berkenaan Tidur (1)

 


Artikel ini diambil dari : www.sleepfoundation.org 


How Much Sleep Do We Really Need?

Scientific research makes clear that sleep is essential at any age. Sleep powers the mind, restores the body, and fortifies virtually every system in the body. But how much sleep do we really need in order to get these benefits?

National Sleep Foundation guidelines advise that healthy adults need between 7 and 9 hours of sleep per night. Babies, young children, and teens need even more sleep to enable their growth and development. People over 65 should also get 7 to 8 hours per night.

Knowing the general recommendations for how much sleep you need is a first step. Then It’s important to reflect on your individual needs based on factors like your activity level and overall health. And finally, of course, it’s necessary to apply healthy sleep tips so that you can actually get the full night’s sleep that’s recommended.

How Much Sleep is Recommended for Each Age Group? 

The National Sleep Foundation’s recommendations for nightly sleep are broken down into nine age groups.


In each group, the guidelines present a recommended range of nightly sleep duration for healthy individuals. In some cases, sleeping an hour more or less than the general range may be acceptable based on a person’s circumstances.


How Much Sleep Do You Need?

The National Sleep Foundation guidelines serve as a rule-of-thumb for how much sleep children and adults need while acknowledging that the ideal amount of sleep can vary from person to person.

For that reason, the guidelines list a range of hours for each age group. The recommendations also acknowledge that, for some people with unique circumstances, there’s some wiggle room on either side of the range for “acceptable,” though still not optimal, amount of sleep.

Deciding how much sleep you need means considering your overall health, daily activities, and typical sleep patterns. Some questions that you help assess your individual sleep needs include:

  • Are you productive, healthy, and happy on seven hours of sleep? Or have you noticed that you require more hours of sleep to get into high gear?
  • Do you have coexisting health issues? Are you at higher risk for any disease?
  • Do you have a high level of daily energy expenditure? Do you frequently play sports or work in a labor-intensive job?
  • Do your daily activities require alertness to do them safely? Do you drive every day and/or operate heavy machinery? Do you ever feel sleepy when doing these activities?
  • Are you experiencing or do you have a history of sleeping problems?
  • Do you depend on caffeine to get you through the day?
  • When you have an open schedule, do you sleep more than you do on a typical workday?

Start with the National Sleep Foundation recommendations and then use your answers to these questions to home in on your optimal amount of sleep.


Rabu, 30 September 2020

10 Tips Parenting

 Sumber : https://www.parentingforbrain.com/how-to-be-a-good-parent-10-parenting-tips/


Top 10 Good Parenting Tips – Best Advice




Parenting is not easy.

Good parenting is hard work.

How To Be A Good Parent?

What makes a good parent?

A good parent is someone who strives to make decisions in the best interest of the child.

A good parent doesn’t have to be perfect. No one is perfect.

No child is perfect either … keeping this in mind is important when we set our expectations.

Successful parenting is not about achieving perfection.

But it doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t work towards that goal.

Set high standards for ourselves first and then our children second. We serve as a role model for them.

Here are 10 tips on learning good parenting skills.

Many of them are not quick nor easy. And probably no one can do all of them all of the time.

But if you can keep working on the tips in this parenting guide, even though you may only do part of these some of the time, you will still be moving in the right direction.

Top 10 Parenting Tips On Improving Parenting Skills

#1 Be A Good Role Model

Parent advice 1: Father models good behavior to son

Walk the walk. Don’t just tell your child what you want them to do. Show them.

Human is a special species in part because we can learn by imitation​1​. We are programmed to copy other’s actions to understand them and to incorporate them into our own. Children, in particular, watch everything their parents do very carefully.

So, be the person you want your child to be — respect your child, show them positive behavior and attitude, have empathy towards your child’s emotion — and your child will follow suit.

#2: Love Them And Show Them Through Action


Show your love.

There is no such thing as loving your child too much. Loving them cannot spoil them​2​.

Only what you choose to do (or give) in the name of love can — things like material-indulgence, leniency, low expectation, and over-protection. When these things are given in place of real love, that’s when you’ll have a spoiled child.

Loving your child can be as simple as giving them hugs, spending time with them and listening to their issues seriously every day.

Showing these acts of love can trigger the release of feel-good hormones such as oxytocin. These neurochemicals can bring us a deep sense of calm, emotional warmth and contentment, from these the child will develop resilience and not to mention a closer relationship with you​3​.

#3: Practice Kind And Firm Positive Parenting


https://www.positivediscipline.com/articles/kind-and-firm-parenting

Babies are born with around 100 billion brain cells (neurons) with relatively little connections. These connections create our thoughts, drive our actions, shape our personalities and basically determine who we are. They are created, strengthened and “sculpted” through experiences across our lives.

Give your child positive experiences. They will have the ability to experience positive experiences themselves and offer them to others​4​.

Give your child negative experiences. They won’t have the kind of development necessary for them to thrive.

Sing that silly song. Have a tickle marathon. Go to the park. Laugh with your child. Ride through an emotional tantrum. Solve a problem together with a positive attitude.

Not only do these positive experiences create good connections in your child’s brain, but they also form the memories of you that your child carries for life.

When it comes to discipline, it seems hard to remain positive. But it is possible to practice Positive Discipline and avoid punitive measures.

Being a good parent means you need to teach your child the moral in what is right and what is wrong. Setting limits and being consistent are the keys to good discipline. Be kind and firm when enforcing those rules. Focus on the reason behind the child’s behavior. And make it an opportunity to learn for the future, rather than to punish for the past.

Related: Turning Tantrums Into Triumphs

#4: Be A Safe Haven For Your Child

Girl hides behind a tree to feel safe - how to be a better parent by being a safe haven

Let your child know that you’ll always be there for them by being responsive to the child’s signals and sensitive to their needs. Support and accept your child as an individual. Be a warm, safe haven for your child to explore from.

Children raised by parents who are consistently responsive tend to have better emotional development, social skills development, and mental health outcomes​5​.

#5: Talk With Your Child And Help Their Brains Integrate

Most of us already know the importance of communication. Talk to your child and also listen to them carefully.

By keeping an open line of communication, you’ll have a better relationship with your child and your child will come to you when there’s a problem.

But there’s another reason for communication — you help your child integrate different parts of his/her brain.

Integration is similar to our body in which different organs need to coordinate and work together to maintain a healthy body.

When different parts of the brain are integrated, they can function harmoniously as a whole, which means fewer tantrums, more cooperative behavior, more empathy and better mental well-being​6​.

To do that, talk through troubling experiences. Ask your child to describe what happened and how he/she felt to develop attuned communication​7​.

You don’t have to provide solutions. You don’t need to have all the answers to be a good parent. Just listening to them talk and asking clarifying questions will help them make sense of their experiences and integrate memories.

mother lovingly kisses baby - Good parenting tips

#6: Reflect On Your Own Childhood

Many of us want to parent differently from our parents. Even those who had good upbringing and a happy childhood may want to change some aspects of how they were brought up.

But very often, when we open our mouths, we speak just like our parents did.

Reflecting on our own childhood is a step towards understanding why we parent the way we do.

Make note of things you’d like to change and think of how you’d do it differently in a real scenario. Try to be mindful and change your behavior the next time those issues come up.

Don’t give up if you don’t succeed at first. It takes practice, lots of practice to consciously change one’s child upbringing methods.

#7: Pay Attention To Your Own Well-Being


Parents need relief too.

Pay attention to your own well-being.

Often times, things such as your own health or the health of your marriage are kept on the back burner when a child is born. If you don’t pay attention to them, they will become bigger problems down the road​8​. Take time to strengthen your relationship with your spouse.

Don’t be afraid to ask for parenting help. Having some “me time” for self-care is important to rejuvenate the mind.

How parents may take care of themselves physically and mentally will make a big difference in their parenting. If these two areas fail, your child will suffer, too.

#8: Do Not Spank, No Matter What

No doubt, to some parents, spanking can bring about short-term compliance which sometimes is a much-needed relief for the parents.

However, this method doesn’t teach the child right from wrong. It only teaches the child to fear external consequences. The child is then motivated to avoid getting caught instead.

Spanking your child is modeling to your child that he/she can resolve issues by violence​9​.

Children who are spanked, smacked or hit are more prone to fighting with other children. They are more likely to become bullies and to use verbal/physical aggression to solve disputes. Later in life, they are also more likely to result in delinquency and antisocial behavior, worse parent-child relationships, mental health issues, and domestic violence victims or abusers​10​.

There are a variety of better alternatives to discipline that have been proven to be more effective​11​, such as Positive Discipline (Tip #3 above) and positive reinforcement.

#9: Keep Things In Perspective And Remember Your Parenting Goal

Mother has a pot over her head and seems frustrated with baby. Baby looks confused - good parenting guide

What is your goal of raising a child?

If you’re like most parents, you want your child to do well in school, be productive, be responsible and independent, respectful, enjoy meaningful relationships with you and others, be caring and compassionate, and have a happy, healthy and fulfilling life.

But how much time do you spend on working towards those goals?

If you’re like most parents, you probably spend most of the time just trying to get through the day. As authors, Siegel and Bryson, point out in their book, The Whole-Brain Child,

instead of helping your child thrive, you spend most of time just trying to survive!

To not let the survival mode dominate your life, next time you feel angry or frustrated, step back.

Think about what anger and frustration will do for you or your child. Instead, find ways to turn every negative experience into a learning opportunity for him/her. Even epic tantrums can be turned into invaluable brain-sculpting moments.

Doing these will not only help you keep a healthy perspective, but you are also working on one of your primary goals in parenting — building a good relationship with your child.

#10: Take A Shortcut By Utilizing Findings In Latest Psychology And Neuroscience Research

Taking shortcut from A to B - It can be a good parenting tip and parental advice

By shortcuts, I don’t mean shortchanging your child. What I mean is to take advantage of what is already known by scientists.

Parenting is one of the most researched fields in psychology.

Many parenting techniques, practices, or traditions have been scientifically researched, verified, refined or refuted.

For good parenting advice and information that are backed by science, here is one of my favorite science-based parenting books, The Science of Parenting.

Using scientific knowledge is of course not a one-size-fits-all strategy. Every child is different. Even within the best parenting style, there can be many different effective parenting practices you can choose according to your child’s temperament.

For example, besides spanking, there are many better alternatives, e.g. redirection, reasoning, removing privileges, time-in, etc. You can choose the non-punitive discipline method that works best for your child.

Of course, you can also choose to use “traditional” or “old school” parenting styles (e.g. spanking) and may still get the “same” outcome.

According to the Diathsis-Stress Model, people who have vulnerabilities to suffer from a psychological disorder are more likely to develop one when they experience stress.

The diathesis, i.e. vulnerabilities, can be biological or environmental.

Perhaps the child may be lucky and don’t have such vulnerabilities. They may be resilient and prevail no matter how tough parents treat their child.

But they may be not.

So the importance of parenting cannot be underestimated.

Why risk the damages some of the sub-par practices may create while there’re well researched, better ones?

Taking these “shortcuts” may require more work on your part in the short-term, but can save you lots of time and agony in the long run.

Final Thoughts On Parenting

The good thing is, although parenting is hard, it is also very rewarding. The bad part is the rewards usually come much later than the hard work. But if we try our best now, we will eventually reap the rewards and have nothing to regret.

To Happy Parenting!

Summary of Top 10 Good Parenting Tips

References

  1. 1.
    Rizzolatti G, Craighero L. The mirror-neuron system. Annu Rev Neurosci. 2004;27:169-192. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15217330.
  2. 2.
    Landry S, Smith K, Swank P, Assel M, Vellet S. Does early responsive parenting have a special importance for children’s development or is consistency across early childhood necessary? Dev Psychol. 2001;37(3):387-403. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11370914.
  3. 3.
    Viero C, Shibuya I, Kitamura N, et al. REVIEW: Oxytocin: Crossing the Bridge between Basic Science and Pharmacotherapy. CNS Neuroscience & Therapeutics. July 2010:e138-e156. doi:10.1111/j.1755-5949.2010.00185.x
  4. 4.
    Bradley B, Davis TA, Wingo AP, Mercer KB, Ressler KJ. Family environment and adult resilience: contributions of positive parenting and the oxytocin receptor gene. European Journal of Psychotraumatology. September 2013:21659. doi:10.3402/ejpt.v4i0.21659
  5. 5.
    Landry SH, Smith KE, Swank PR, Guttentag C. A responsive parenting intervention: The optimal timing across early childhood for impacting maternal behaviors and child outcomes. Developmental Psychology. 2008:1335-1353. doi:10.1037/a0013030
  6. 6.
    Fishbane MD. Wired to connect: Neuroscience, relationships, and therapy. Family process. 2007;46(3):395-412.
  7. 7.
    Siegel DJ. Mindful awareness, mindsight, and neural integration. The Humanistic Psychologist. 2009:137-158. doi:10.1080/08873260902892220
  8. 8.
    Maternal depression and child development. Paediatr Child Health. 2004;9(8):575-598. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19680490.
  9. 9.
    Gershoff ET. Corporal punishment by parents and associated child behaviors and experiences: A meta-analytic and theoretical review. Psychological Bulletin. 2002:539-579. doi:10.1037/0033-2909.128.4.539
  10. 10.
    Gershoff E, Grogan-Kaylor A. Spanking and child outcomes: Old controversies and new meta-analyses. J Fam Psychol. 2016;30(4):453-469. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/27055181.
  11. 11.
    Effective discipline for children. Paediatr Child Health. 2004;9(1):37-50. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19654979.

Berpegangteguhlah dengan institusi Ahlus Sunnah Wal Jama'ah!

Berpegangteguhlah dengan institusi Ahlus Sunnah Wal Jama'ah!
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...